


We Fall, We Shatter, We Want

by elivigar



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fighting, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27069607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elivigar/pseuds/elivigar
Summary: “Because I don’t wanna fight with you,” Calum says as he steps over to where Ashton’s standing. “Idon’twanna fight with you. I hate seeing you upset.”“And I hate that you keep leaving mewhenI’m upset.”In which Ashton and Calum realise that love isn't always enough.
Relationships: Calum Hood/Ashton Irwin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	We Fall, We Shatter, We Want

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this damn near fucking killed me to write and I may have shed a tear or two, but ??? Well, it's based on my Cashton anon requesting Cashton with “I’m leaving.” “Of course you are, that’s all you know how to do.” + “Don’t you dare walk away from this!” from [this](https://ashtcnirwin.tumblr.com/post/632229214210392064/blisfvll-prompt-list-an-phew-finally) list, and I wrote this piece of fucking shit♥ Come talk to me on [Tumblr](http://ashtcnirwin.tumblr.com) (or to request your own prompt from the list) if you wanna!

Ashton bites his tongue so hard he’s shaking with it, falling back onto the couch, before he opens his mouth. Out comes a barely audible, “How long are we supposed to do this, Cal?” Calum doesn’t answer, and Ashton screws his eyes shut, forcing back the tears that are threatening to spill. “It’s been four years, we- you were barely eighteen when it started, we’ve grown up together, but you- I’m not enough for you, am I?”

“Of course you are,” Calum says quietly. “You’ve always been enough, you’ve always been everything I want.”

“And yet you keep flirting with everyone and everything that gives you the time of day,” Ashton says, and it comes out bitter. Hollow. “It’s how it’s always been, isn’t it? You flirt with fans, you flirt with random people in clubs and bars, you flirt with temporary crew members, while I sit at home and wait for you to return.”

“Which I always do, because I don’t want anyone but you!” Calum snaps, volume increasing for each word. “I don’t intentionally flirt with anyone! It’s just the way I communicate, just the way I am, and I don’t know how to change that!”

Ashton blows a sharp breath through his nose. “Do you even wanna change it?”

“Do _you_ want me to change it?” Calum retorts. “Because if I do, I’m not really the person you fell in love with, am I?”

“Oh, don’t pull that old, cliché line on me,” Ashton says, and it comes out accompanied by a sharp, cold laugh that he barely recognises as his own. It’s not who he is. “I want you to flirt with _me_ , not anyone else, and if you did that, you would still be the person I fell in love with.”

“I do flirt with you!”

“And with everyone else!”

Rising from the couch in one swift motion, Calum mutters, “I’m leaving, I’ll stay at Michael’s for the night, I can’t do this.”

“Of course you’re leaving,” Ashton bites. “That’s all you know how to do, isn’t it? Whenever things get difficult, you choose to leave rather than stay and deal with it.”

“Because I don’t wanna fight with you!” Calum yells, spinning back around to face Ashton. “I love you too damn much to wanna fight with you!”

“But not enough to be willing to fight it out instead of running away, apparently!”

“That doesn’t even make any sense, Ashton!” Calum shouts, throwing his hands in the air. “Why the fuck would I wanna fight with someone I love more than life itself?”

“Because if you love me that much, it’s supposed to be worth fighting for, but you never do!” Ashton yells as he too rises to his feet. “You’re not willing to fight anything out, you never have been! Remember our first fight, back on the _Sounds Live, Feels Live_ -tour? We were in a hotel in Mexico City and I was tired and wanted to stay in while you wanted to go out and you were _so_ fucking sure I was mad at you for not wanting to stay in with me, which I wasn’t, and we wound up screaming at each other and you just-” Ashton breathes in, whimpering with it, and he knows tears are falling from his eyes, but he doesn’t care. “You left. You always fucking leave.”

“Because I don’t wanna fight with you,” Calum says as he steps over to where Ashton’s standing. “I _don’t_ wanna fight with you. I hate seeing you upset.”

“And I hate that you keep leaving me _when_ I’m upset.”

Shaking his head, Calum pinches the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “I don’t wanna do this, Ash. I’m so… I’m so tired of it. We’ll have one good month, then one week of screaming at each other, and I can’t- I don’t wanna do it anymore.” Not waiting for Ashton to reply, he turns back around and stalks towards the stairs.

“Don’t you dare walk away from this, Cal,” Ashton says, and his voice breaks halfway through the sentence. “If you leave now, we’re- we’re done. We’re over. For good.”

Calum stops just as he’s about to set foot on the first stair step, back tensing, but he doesn’t turn around before he says, “Maybe it’d be for the best. Maybe we’re not good for each other.”

Ashton’s breath catches in his throat, and his entire body grows numb, one limb at the time until he no longer feels like he belongs in it. “You… are you breaking up with me?” he asks, and though his voice is but a whisper, he knows Calum can hear him.

Dragging his hands over his face, Calum slowly turns back around and walks back over to where Ashton’s standing. Ashton feels lost and small and completely out of his depth when Calum wraps his arms around him in a hug, pressing his lips to the side of his head.

“I love you,” Calum whispers as he tightens his hold around Ashton. “So fucking much, more than anyone or anything else in the whole fucking world, but this relationship isn’t good for either of us. We’re not good for each other, not right now. We’re gonna end up breaking each other, and as much as I don’t wanna see myself broken, it’s nothing compared to how reluctant I am to see _you_ broken.”

Ashton wishes he could argue, he wishes he could disagree, but he can’t, because Calum’s words make sense. He hates that they do, but he can’t run from it, can’t deny it. “I love you,” he says as he hugs Calum back, and they’re both crying now, but neither of them care. “I love you, I love you, I love you. Stay the night, please. Just one last time.”

They stand there like that, in the middle of the living room, for what could either be fifty seconds or fifty minutes, before Calum pulls back and grabs Ashton’s wrist. The bedroom is dark and cool, and they undress in silence before slipping under the covers, and Ashton doesn’t hesitate to mold himself against Calum’s back, hugging him as tightly as he physically can without causing harm. Grabbing onto the hand Ashton has splayed on his chest, Calum squeezes tightly around the digits and leans down to press a kiss to them.

“I love you, don’t forget that,” he whispers.

Ashton presses his face into Calum’s back, and for what feels like the millionth time that evening, tears are running down his cheeks. “I won’t,” he murmurs. “As long as you don’t.”

“Never.”

The bed’s empty when Ashton wakes up the next day. He rolls over on his side, stretches out his arm, and his hand makes contact with a piece of paper. Picking it up, his heart all but shatters when his mind registers the words written on it.

‘ _Maybe it can be us one day, yeah? I won’t wait for you to come around but I’ll let myself hope for it to happen. You’re my whole fucking world and I love you, always will. -Cal xx_ ’


End file.
